Secret Calls Reveal More Than Sexy Small Talk

Way back in the nineties, the UK Government decided to de-regulate the telephone industry, allowing just about anybody to provide telephone services. With immediate effect, this forced British Telecom to improve its service in order to fend off the expected sudden influx of competition.

The most beneficial addition to what BT offered was what is called itemised billing. Previously all their customers ever got was a single page showing the total amount to be paid. With itemised billing customers could now see who they had called and how long they had spent on each and every call. A one-page bill went to as many as a dozen or more, depending on your usage.

The first pages of listed calls were for regional and national calls. After that came international calls followed by mobile phone calls. Back in those days I was a lot younger and had an excellent memory for all of the numbers that I habitually called, including any international numbers. The one that was totally alien to me was mobile phone numbers due to the fact that the mobile phone industry was still in its infancy and I didn’t actually know anybody with a mobile phone.

As a rule, our monthly telephone bills in those days were around about fifty or sixty pounds a month. So you can imagine my shock to see the total due on the very first page of our latest bill. Three hundred and fifty pounds for the month was one hell of a jump and surely had to be due to their being some sort of error. So I sat down and for a minute or two I went through every single page of calls. I actually remembered every single number and call, until I got to the very last page.

There staring at me was the culprit number with what appeared to me to be a very strange prefix like 08457. I did not have a clue what that was about so decided to check my diary for work and social activities during the past month. I came across nothing unusual at all, except for one thing.

Cross-referencing my diary with the the times when calls to that number were made I suddenly realised that the number was only ever called when I was out of the house. By this time I was beginning to feel like a proper little Sherlock Holmes, without any Dr Watson to help me out.

As I sat wondering what was going on all I could think of was that one or more of our young children were calling inappropriate numbers, like sex lines for example. The only problem with that was at least I or my wife would have had to have been present as we never left the children alone. At my wit’s end, I decided to do something that at the time I had no idea would set me off on a path of discovery. Even less did I know that what I was about to do would in the fullness of time prove instrumental in potentially saving my life.

If you haven’t already guessed, what I did next was call that number. Since it was me paying the bill I felt entitled to know what exactly had cost me over two hundred pounds in calls. I was about to find out in a way that shook my world on its axis. As I am sure you will agree, what follows would have the effect of shocking anybody to the very core of their very being.

Twice I called the number and twice the call was cut. This just had the effect of intriguing me even more. They say that curiosity killed the cat, and this old cat was about to be verbally slaughtered by a voice that sounded like it came burning into my ears from the bowels of the scorched earth, all the way from hell on earth itself. I called the number one more time, and this time the call was taken.

“Hello, who is that please” I asked as politely as I could.

At this point, I had no idea who this person was. And since it could have all been about something perfectly innocent that my lovely wife had forgotten to tell me about, like a surprise birthday present, I had every reason to keep things polite.

“ Who the hell are you to call me and ask me who I am? I don’t know who you are.”

The tone and texture of the voice, more of a deep male growl, caught me off guard. I continued with my politeness.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, you’re right of course. My name is Liam Ireland. Do I know you from somewhere?”

The response was a guttural laugh with chilling intent, an intent to hurt as sharply as any cut with a vinegar-soaked knife.

“Why don’t you ask your wife? You’re pathetic. All this time and you still don’t know, do you? You’re an idiot from what I’ve heard.” Then the line went dead.

My first reaction was to fall back into my chair and doubt what I had heard. Who in the blazes was that I asked myself. A lover? A friend? A workmate?

The next thing I did was call my best friend at that time. I told Ken everything and all he could suggest was to do what the voice from hell had told me to do, ask my wife. And that is exactly what I did.

When my wife got home from work I challenged her the minute she walked through the door. My very first question to her was…

“Who does this number belong to please?” I said as I handed her the last page of the telephone bill with the number highlighted.

“That, oh that’s my boss. Why?”

“I’ll ask the questions if you don’t mind. And what sort of person is your boss, what’s he like?”

“He’s a very nice person actually.”

“Well first off that is not what you said about him a year ago when you went to work with him. I distinctly recall you telling me that he was horrible. What’s more, he wasn’t a very nice person to me this afternoon when I called him.”

“WHAT! DID YOU CALL HIM? OH MY GOD, YOU’LL GET ME THE SACK.

I told her what had transpired when I called that number and she totally refused to believe a word I had said.

“You know what Liam, I don’t believe you. He wouldn’t say that in that way. I’m going to call him now.”

With that, my wife turned and headed to the living room to make the call. She stopped and said, “No, I’m not calling him with you in the room.”

“Ok, I’ll wait in the kitchen,” I said as I turned to go back.

Within thirty about ten seconds she came back, far too short a time to have even dialled the number.

“Right, he’s not answering. I’ll call him later. You need to go and buy some bread and milk so I can make a snack for the children.

I knew that this was a ploy to get me out of the house so she could call her boss in peace and quiet, and, seeing nothing to be gained by staying, I went along with the ploy and went off to buy the bread and milk.

When I got back she told me that she had called her boss and that he denied having said what he had and that perhaps I had misunderstood him. For my part, I said no more since I needed to think through what my next moves would be. It was going to be one hell of a traumatic time that was for sure.

By bedtime that evening the children were all fast asleep in bed and as I slipped under the covers whilst my lovely wife read some spurious magazine upside down (some sort of witches trick for sure).

“So…” I said softly. “Any reason why you would call your boss on a mobile an expensive phone late on a Friday night when I am out at Ken’s house or fast asleep at home?”

“He’s a farmer. Sometimes when I need to speak to him about some work project he’s out in the field.”

“Wait a minute……I thought your boss was a teacher. besides, even farmers are not out in the field at one in the morning. And what is it that’s so pressing that it won’t wait until Monday morning? This is nothing but a load of bullshit Alice, bullshit.”

“He’s got lots of different jobs, farming is one and teaching another.”

“That is not what you told me before. I haven’t got time for this nonsensical crap Alice, I’m going to make a coffee. Do you want one?”

“No, I don’t.”

As I sauntered out of the room I could see I had Alice cornered like a rat and wanted to give her time to think about what she was telling me. Perhaps she would come clean when she realised that I wasn’t as dumb as she thought I was. I just wasn’t buying into any of it.

When I went back upstairs there was Alice pretending to read that upside-down magazine again. As I slipped back under the covers Alice said “Sooooo, what are you going to do about this then?”

“I’ll tell you what I am going to do Alice, I am going to get to the bottom of it, of that I can assure you.”

At that point, Alice leapt out of the bed stark bollock naked and like a wild banshee started screaming hysterically across the bedroom.

“Right, that’s it, I’m going and I’m going to take the three children with me.” And as she screamed she started to open multiple drawers and started to pull out all manner of clothing and threw it on the bed. Fearful of the effect of all of this on my three children I had to back down.

“Ok, fine, I won’t do a thing, it’s obviously all part of some sort of misunderstanding, let’s leave it at that.” This had the immediate effect of calming her down, at least for that night. Of course, I had no intention of leaving matters there, I said I would get to the bottom of it and I did.

The next day I felt a renewed sense of clarity about the events of the previous day. For now, at least I had managed to calm things down, though as it turned out my climbing down was seen by Alice as merely a green light to continue with whatever it was she was up to, and indeed, to up the ante.

It was also clear to me that the opening of that telephone bill was akin to the opening of Pandora’s Box. How little did I know at the time precisely what I had inadvertently let loose upon the world, or at least my world and all who inhabited it.

Over the coming weeks, I took to listening to Alice’s private phone calls and in many ways deeply wished that I hadn’t. I heard the most appalling lies and insults about me to just about anybody who would listen to her. More worrying than that, I overheard one phone call when it sounded awfully like something very sinister indeed was afoot.

When you overhear a private phone call in which it sounds like your premature demise is being discussed, it’s time to listen up very intently indeed.

“So, do you think he’ll do something? (Suicide?). Or do you think we should help him and do something to him ourselves?”

I couldn’t hear the response of the other person, but I knew who it was from watching her dial the number. Notice how carefully worded what she said was. Out of context, it could have meant anything. But I for one was taking this very seriously indeed. If I was wrong, no harm was done. If I was right, I may well have been able to avert a disaster. We would see, in the coming days and weeks, we would see.