How I Fell In Love With A Nurse

Having spent three months in a hospital last year with a broken hip and leg, there were one or two closely connected issues I was not expecting. Fortunately for me, I have a very knowledgeable and understanding wife who works in a hospital.

The first issue was, being ordered not to move an inch as I lay in bed. My first concern was the need to go to the toilet. They told me no, no way was I to even think of getting out of bed, not even getting in a wheelchair to visit the bathroom.

The nurse told me that I would have to do my toilet in the bed and not in a bedpan. Raising my midriff to mount a bedpan could do damage to my broken hip. So out came the man-sized nappies. Yes, you guessed it, I had to do my doings in a nappy. How embarrassing.

That meant that once I had finished passing faeces, I would have to call a nurse to come to my room and clean my sorry, dirty ass. However, as I was in a non-English-speaking Japanese hospital, I had to call out in Japanese for all to hear. The phrase is ‘Unchi de masheta,’ which is Japanese for, “I’ve poo-ed my pants!” Suddenly I felt like a baby at the mercy of a capable female, which was pretty much what I was reduced to.

The next problem was that neither could I take a shower. So a bedbath it was for me. And the problem here was…I was not even allowed to reach down to clean my own genitals! Good lord, this was getting rather personal.

For some nurses, I could sense that this particular task was one they did not exactly relish. These nurses tended to dance around that area somewhat. I can’t say I blame them. However, two nurses dealt with the matter brilliantly, very much to my relief.

Toshi and Tatanya just got stuck in giving the area a very thorough cleaning, making jokes with me as they did so. And those two nurses also went the extra mile when it came to dealing with any other problems I may have had. And at Christmas, Toshi made me a lovely homemade English Christmas card. How sweet.

In time, I was allowed to get into a wheelchair and was taken to the showers, which was wonderful. And even in the showers, I had to lie on a waterproof trolley while Toshi showered me down by hand.

What was really funny was Toshi would come towards my room and call out, “Ralph san, shall we go for a shower?” just like a girlfriend or wife. Then, when I was back on my feet, to keep me safe, Toshi would put her arm around me as she walked me to the showers. She peed herself laughing at the thought of a possible scandal amongst the other patients.

When the day came to go home, I suddenly realised I was going to miss Toshi and Tatanya. Yes, I knew Toshi was a happily married woman with a young son and a lovely husband, and I am a happily married man with a lovely wife. But over three months up close and personal, it is quite normal to begin to feel emotionally close to your carers.

My wife also worked in a hospital and told me she knows only too well how patients can sort of fall in love with their carers. In fact, she confessed that her patients have often fallen in love with her. I’m fine with that, I now understand. Just because you fall for your carer does not mean that you and she will have a full affair or even want one to begin with. However, it can mean you have made a friend forever.

After a few months, I told my wife I was missing Toshi, and she smiled. One day my wife said, “Come on, I’ll call her and ask if she wants to meet us for a coffee.” And so meet we did. Toshi brought her husband with her, and since it was close to Christmas, we exchanged little Christmas presents. We have all agreed to meet again sometime this summer.

Since that prolonged stay in the hospital, with such amazing carers, I have nothing but respect for what those nurses do. And the fact that they do it with such dedication and a smile is nothing short of miraculous. We should all be thankful.